I probably shouldn’t post this. I shouldn’t even be near a computer when I feel this way, but I have the fan pointed at it.
Yes, even I am getting a little weary of the heat. I tolerate it much better than most, but I worry about Spirit. I worry about killing my not-so-great AC. I worry I’ll owe National Grid a pound of flesh (although I can spare a lot of them). And even tho I don’t often feel the heat like others, I’ve had my run-ins with heat exhaustion, so I do try to be careful and I get a little worried. Mostly, tho, I worry about Spirit, who seems to have found a couple of hidey-holes where he’s comfortable, but I still run around throwing ice cubes in his water and asking if he’s ok (he sort of answers) and trying to brush away all that fur.
And today…well, I can’t help it. Another reason I shouldn’t be near a computer, but there it is. I see pictures of parties and barbecues and pools, and here I am. Alone. Staring at the computer. Or the wall. Or the fan. Throwing ice cubes into a dish of water in the sink.
You would really think I’d be used to it.
It’s worse for some people. I can’t be the only person who doesn’t have family. I can’t be the only person alone. And I’m pretty intelligent (usually), so I can still find ways to entertain myself. I read, I watch Netflix, I do puzzles, I draw.
On a day like today, a day where people are celebrating, that sounds so sad. A couple weeks ago when I was recovering from the cyst, and the antibiotics made me so sick, I started to feel a little down. Oh, yes, friends checked on me, sending me messages once in a while, and I was so grateful for the help I got at the Con where I almost collapsed. But after that, I couldn’t bother with social media much, or do anything, because I was nauseous all the time (I mean, really, what the hell was in those? I’ve had antibiotics before and never had that kind of reaction), and I came to realize in one of my more morbid moments that I could probably lay dead in here for about 10 days before anyone noticed.
Except work. They would definitely try to find me. You can’t just drop out of the ticket rotation, you know. Death is no excuse.
The antibiotics are done, and my back is better, but my stomach is still so-so. And my mood has seriously gone dark and darker. So ignore me. But don’t ignore other people. Some don’t handle loneliness as well as I do. I’ll get it off my chest, mope for a day, then back to work and a semi-grind to occupy my mind for a while. But there are probably others you should be checking on, particularly in this brutal heat.
So, what are you reading my self-pity for? Go check on them.