I am never going to escape this unhappiness. I keep grasping at that one chance, and sometimes there is a glimmer of hope, like 2 months ago when I had my best show ever.
I know it’s hit or miss. I have that figured out (finally). But it’s been more miss than hit lately, and again I wonder when I should just call it quits. I don’t want to. The creative outlet is necessary, but this was the biggest cash bleed yet. So I balance: getting away for a while, out of the area and seeing a new place, and hooking up with an old friend which was the diamond of this weekend, against the amount of money and exhaustion (and pain now, because my hip can’t keep up).
If anyone out there does craft shows or Cons, advice would be much welcomed.
And while I very much appreciate the support of my friends, who insist I’m talented and brave and wouldn’t lie to me, it doesn’t make up for the fact that I can’t afford to drop $700 to make $60. Even with my horrible math skills, I can see that.
So, what now? Do I dare to risk blowing money on Philly?
Right now, I feel sick. I feel trapped, and miserable, and I am not motivated to draw or write or create. I feel self-loathing. I feel a vague nausea, and an endless headache, and my hip still hurts, and I’m fatigued, and I feel like there’s no point in trying to pull myself back up. Let the quicksand and muck take me. Because there’s nothing worth coming up for air…not now, at least.
I just don’t know.