Reflections

Oh, when things truly become clear and you see how far you’ve come!

I had a best friend in high school.  Who didn’t?  We went to different colleges, and sort of kept touch.  Finally she moved out to western NY and although a few times I tried to keep the friendship going, the interest wasn’t mutual.

She got a book published, and this was when Break was a mere glimmer.  I asked for some advice and was brushed off (well, admittedly maybe that’s how I saw it; perhaps she felt her advice was really worthwhile).   She wasn’t hugely successful, but getting known in her circle (paranormal erotica, not quite my thing).

Then the cards came.  Every Christmas, with a letter sent out, touting more and more successes.  I was no longer a friend.  I was a fan, on a fan club mailing list.  There was nothing personal about it, but it did come across as a bit gloaty (again, probably unintentional, read into it by my own insecurity).  But damn, these letters made me miserable.  Depressed the crap out of me.  Instead of pointing up her successes, they felt as if they were pointing out my shortcomings.

I’d nearly forgotten, and lo, that card came today, with the prerequisite letter.  And I sort of rolled my eyes, and said, “Oh, yeah.  That.”  And I read it, and chuckled, and thought, things are just so mundane now.

It didn’t bother me.  And then I realized.  I’d let it all go.  I’ve had enough recognition and success now, two years going, that it was only another card, and at least I was thought of, or on a list somewhere, and I wasn’t remotely jealous or hurt.  Only amused.  Oh, a little sad, I suppose, that the friendship went the way it did, but it’s years past and not going to change, and I have much truer friends than she ever was.

Life is good.  Really.  Let the poopy things go and celebrate yourself.

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