Musings

Comic Con approaches.  And stress rises.

I’m not a successful artist going to greet fans.  I’m not an inker for DC or Marvel.  And while I like comics, I wouldn’t want to do that, anyway.  My understanding is that they are intensively trained in that style, and I like doing whatever I want to do.  I mean, I have a style, but I can shuffle it around a bit.  Like “Undead Oz” illustrations; I was going for a specific feel with those drawings (which a friend correctly pegged as sort of an homage to Edward Gorey).

No, I’m an artist trying to GET successful.  Looking for a little recognition.  And that’s some scary shit.  I do have a lot of support from my friends, which is great, since as you’ve probably sussed, my self-esteem is somewhat lacking.  But there’s still that terror.  What if I go all day and sell nothing?  It could very well happen.  I prefer to think it won’t, and of course, how can you know if you don’t try (which is the advice I gave to another artist).  I really have to make the effort.

But I wonder, if I don’t do so well, how hard will it be to find the heart to do other shows?  I sort of have to.  At this point, I’ve invested enough that I sure ain’t gonna blow them off.  But we all fear rejection, right?  Rejection is most often impersonal: a rejected manuscript, a promotion gone to another, a gig or space given to someone else.  The only time it is personal is in relationships, maybe.  But you still tend to take it personally, no matter what.  Doesn’t it always lead to “what did I do wrong?” (and maybe that thinking in itself is what’s harmful, shouldn’t it be “what could I have done better?”), or “why didn’t they like me?” or “did I say something wrong?”.

We need to get past that, and view it from a third party eye; that in all likelihood, it is nothing you/I/we said, or did.  It isn’t our looks, or a shirt (well,ok, that may have influenced something like a job decision if, y’know, you wore your Batman jammies).

Let’s hope I feel that way next Sunday night.  Better yet, let’s hope I have no reason to.

Success to all in all you do.